Last week Karin came to me for coaching. Karin is a lawyer and is very unsure about her next career step. She currently has a good job at a large firm, but she no longer feels at home there. The adventure beckons to set up an independent office. 

Especially at night in bed she worries herself silly about what, when and how. She is afraid to leave her current office and the leap to independence is a bit scary. She has been walking around with it for months and no longer gets a good night's sleep because of the worrying. 

Mulling is constantly thinking about the same thing, in negative form, just like an old LP that gets stuck. It eats up energy and it keeps you from gaining new insights because you remain stuck in a downward spiral of thinking.

Caroline Schlinkert of the VU Amsterdam (*RTL news, Aug. 2018) has studied that brooding can cause not only psychological symptoms such as burnout, but also physical symptoms such as risk of high blood pressure, back pain and chronic fatigue.

Nighttime mulling is a harbinger of chronic symptoms according to Caroline Schlinkert. According to her, the combination of fretting and stress causes you to become alienated from your own body and stop picking up its signals.

So how can you stop that fretting and reconnect with your natural state of being? 

When you are aware that you are grinding, then you have come a long way. In fact, you are already there.

For the great misunderstanding is that you have to do something to let go. But the letting go has already happened when you become aware that you are thinking about it. You have become detached from the grinding thoughts. You have stepped off the roller coaster for a moment, so to speak.

Purely out of habit, however, many people "step right back on the roller coaster" and get sucked in by the thoughts that go on and on. When you start thinking again about how to get rid of them, you get back on another roller coaster. Tiring and it usually does not bring you any further.

Becoming aware of when you think about it is enough. That is the only and also the ultimate moment in which you can make a choice about where to give your attention. Do you choose to think, the roller coaster, or do you give your attention to what is happening right now (that which you hear, see and smell)? 

This choice can be difficult because sometimes it seems like you have no choice and are automatically sucked in. When you find yourself completely absorbed in the grinding thoughts, it is valuable to compliment another person or tell them how much you appreciate them. Try it.

This form of giving fills your heart and reduces the grinding thoughts. It then makes it easier to make the choice to give your attention to what is happening here and now.

But what do you do at night if, like Karin, you suffer from fretting? The best thing to do is to do a meditation or relaxation exercise. This takes your attention away from brooding and allows the body to relax again. 

I gave Karin an audio with a relaxation exercise and she told me yesterday that it helped her fall back asleep. She is also actively working during the day to keep her attention in the here and now and resist the temptation to think. 

In fact, if you let go of it completely for a moment, the answer will come to you. From your own wisdom you then know what is best for you.